You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have. - Bob Marley
This statement has proved to be true. I went into labor on October 19th. Everyone talks about how beautiful of an experience it is to bring life into this world, but no one ever talks about the recovery stage or the aftermath.
This is my story.
October 18th is my due date but this little girl is just NOT READY! The following morning my mucus plug passes. We're concerned: there's a little more blood than usual. We rush to the hospital and find out my membrane has ruptured. They're keeping me to prevent infection. Okay, cool. I still haven't started dilating but what I'm really dreading is starting Pitocin. I try to hold on and work through my contractions, but they start to pick up and I just can't take it. They offer me a pain killer. That doesn't go well. I start to throw up and now I'm running a fever. I'm drained mentally and physically. Bring on the epidural! After that, I'm out like a light! 🤣 Literally the best sleep ever.
It's the next morning, they check me. I'm only dilated 4 or 5cm. We're going nowhere fast. My cervix is swollen; decisions have to be made. It comes down to having a c-section. My thoughts are racing: toughen up; be strong. Reality hits when I get to the operating room. I'm praying everything goes well.
October 20th, 2019. 1429. I heard that little cry and my whole world changed. Damiana Jolie Morris was born. 8lbs 11oz. Yeah, I know what you're thinking because everyone in the operating room said it: that’s a big damn baby! I had finally met the life that had been growing inside me. I’ve never experienced anything so beautiful.
Recovery hit me hard. The meds wear off. I feel like I was hit by a train. & crazily no one ever talks about this part. Trying to get in and out of bed, trying to sit up, trying to use the bathroom was all excruciating. I wasn’t prepared for any of it. The first couple of days at home were great. I had help: my mother and husband. But eventually my husband had to go back to work and my mother had to leave us. Now, I'm alone with this human being that depends on me for everything. My anxiety was at an all-time high with a touch of sleep deprivation, loss of appetite and depression. Baby blues hit me hard! Everywhere I turned it felt like I was failing. I felt like I was letting everyone down; like I wasn’t good enough to be this precious little girl's mother. I've never cried so much in my life. I had it bad, but this is where my tribe came in. My husband, my girls, my family, and last but not least my mother, Monsi. I realized that this was just a phase; I would make it through this.
To my husband: I thank the Lord everyday for such a strong and understanding man. Never in a million years did I think I would be a wife and a mother and then you come along. You've given me the most precious gift ever. Thank you for sticking by my side while I figure this out. You give me the strength to get through this. I love you. #1.4Eva
To my girls G, Sam, & Niqua: No words can describe how grateful I am to have such a strong circle of intelligent and supportive women in my life. When I felt like I was failing you ladies were there to pick my head up. You guys helped me fix my crown and made me keep on pushing. I appreciate you all so much.
To Monsi: Woman, you raised a warrior! I get all my strength from you and every day I think about you and all you’ve done for us. Because of you, I push through my day. I hope to be even half the woman and mother you are. I owe that to Bernard and Jolie. I promise to be the best wife to him and mother to your grandbaby.
To single mothers out there, I salute you! I couldn’t imagine doing this alone. Kudos to you women!
Lastly, to my daughter Damo: Little girl you light up my life. Everyday we learn each other more and our bond grows deeper. Your smiles and giggles made 24 hours of labor worth it. I promise I'll be here for you every step of the way. You’re going to be fierce like your momma, strong like your Glamma, and caring and loving as your great grandmother. You’re destined for greatness, little one. You will make us all proud one day.
I’m not 100% yet but I’m getting better each day. For the women struggling trying to figure this out, you are not alone. I know it isn't easy but I pray you find the strength. We never know how strong we are until being strong is the only choice we have.
Happy One Month, Damo.